shay

let’s start at the beginning. the weight gain. yuck. it started after my second daughter. the depo shot affected me differently all of a sudden. i gained about 20 lbs. every time i got the shot (which was every 3 months). that didn’t leave me much time to lose the weight either. i got off the depo and opted to have my tubes tied. the weight stayed on. since then, every little change seems to put weight on and all the diets and excercise are for nothing. here’s where it gets crazy, five years after my daughter’s birth i have all this extra baggage so to speak, and i fell into a depression. (still in it) i was 140 before pregnancy and am now 230 - 240. i hate who i see in the mirror. i’ve tried at least a hundred diets and excercise. no progress. i even had the doctor run tests to find out why i can’t lose weight. thyroid, diebetes, all run in my family. all negative. so what the hell is wrong with me? i even did a month of whole grain, lots of h2o, no sugar, no salt and 4 miles of walking 5 days a week. sounds crazy right? i gained 5 lbs.!!!! aaaaahhhhhh. i’ve had it. so here we are. today. i’m clinically depressed and have anxiety. i can’t take any more failures. don’t worry i’m not suicidal or anything. they’re going to medicate me soon which means i’ve been researching every possible medication looking for one that doesn’t cause weight gain or better yet one that promotes weight loss. not much luck. i’m scared. i don’t want to gain anymore. so i’m going to start slow like drinking a lot more water and portion control. little things that will hopefully combat any nasty side effects later. i’m trying to stay positive (despite the misery in my head right now). who knows, maybe this time it will work. maybe i’ll lose some weight. so now that you’ve met me i’m sure you’re head hurts from all the rambling. sorry about that. that’s the anxiety. i guess i’m done for now. so this is the start. hopefully future entries will be more uplifting and happy. that would be nice. happy.