shay

So after re reading my last post it occured to me that some of you reading it may be in similar situations with the depression/anxiety aspect. I do love my choice in medication but I also do not have a means for comparison so this isn’t to say that Wellbutrin is the best for everyone. Please do not take my results and run with it. Do your own research and find what will work for you. Read about the side effects, user reviews, everything you can find and make an informed decision. For those of you in that situation good luck to you. It’s a tough road but you can feel better, there is light at the end of that long dark tunnel you are in. God bless.

It’s been a while but here I am. I’ve been pretty busy getting ready for school while scheduling my cna course and of course the dreaded thanksgiving. So I went to my in law’s for turkey day. The food was good and yes I indulged but my m. i. l. has a scale, which as you know mine is trash, so I hopped on and “holy sh*#” 220!!!! My friend weighed me about a month ago and I was 233. I know that’s too much too fast but I’m excited anyway. I can’t remember if I blogged this already but I started my meds 15 days ago and I’m so much happier. My depression is a memory (for now) and I really did my research when considering medication. I decided upon Wellbutrin because it was also used to help with smoking too. I hate pills to begin with but I knew I needed something so this was the only one I was willing to try. Update: not only did it curb my smoking cravings (down to 5 a day vs. 20 before) without even trying but it also curbed my boredom eating. I am never hungry. I eat so I won’t starve but I don’t feel the need to eat out of boredom, stress, comfort, etc. The worst side effect I have had is constant dry mouth and the only thing that helps is water so I end up drinking about a gallon a day if not more (which I’m sure had quite an impact on my weight loss). I feel so good. I thought I was losing weight but I can’t tell because I lose the same way I gain. Equally all over. So nothing really shrinks noticibly. Now that I know I’m super excited. I had almost given up hope that maybe I was just supposed to be heavy forever. So believe me I wasn’t trying to lose. I know I said I started walking, I hate the cold so that lasted a week. Now I want to start something indoors, anything to help tone especially if I continue to lose quickly I don’t want to look saggy all over. Water, gotta drink lots and lots of water. I’m not sure if it’s all the water or the lack of hunger or what so I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and add some healthy choices to the mix and here’s hoping for a new me.

It’s been about a week and I’ve been drinking lots of water. Which means naturally I’m getting more exercise with all that running to the bathroom.lol. So I was thinking I would really like to weigh in but nooooo. The damn scale is broken or needs new batteries or something. Today also begins my walking regimen. As I’ve said before, I used to walk 4 miles a day. And while it didn’t work for losing weight before(not sure why), it did make me feel good anyway. So I drove in my car to see where 2 miles away really is and SURPRISE…it leads to Dunkin Donuts. That’s okay. They have a bathroom to refill my water. I just won’t bring money. So that’s it for now, walking and water. Here goes…..well, everything.

Oh, by the way, on the depression side. I’m going to counseling once a week and we’ll be talking about meds soon but I put a call in to my primary to see if he could start me sooner seeing how I already researched and know which prescription I want. My counselor said that would be okay. Slow and steady. 

I may never be skinny again but I can make healthy a commitment and hope the rest falls in to place.

let’s start at the beginning. the weight gain. yuck. it started after my second daughter. the depo shot affected me differently all of a sudden. i gained about 20 lbs. every time i got the shot (which was every 3 months). that didn’t leave me much time to lose the weight either. i got off the depo and opted to have my tubes tied. the weight stayed on. since then, every little change seems to put weight on and all the diets and excercise are for nothing. here’s where it gets crazy, five years after my daughter’s birth i have all this extra baggage so to speak, and i fell into a depression. (still in it) i was 140 before pregnancy and am now 230 - 240. i hate who i see in the mirror. i’ve tried at least a hundred diets and excercise. no progress. i even had the doctor run tests to find out why i can’t lose weight. thyroid, diebetes, all run in my family. all negative. so what the hell is wrong with me? i even did a month of whole grain, lots of h2o, no sugar, no salt and 4 miles of walking 5 days a week. sounds crazy right? i gained 5 lbs.!!!! aaaaahhhhhh. i’ve had it. so here we are. today. i’m clinically depressed and have anxiety. i can’t take any more failures. don’t worry i’m not suicidal or anything. they’re going to medicate me soon which means i’ve been researching every possible medication looking for one that doesn’t cause weight gain or better yet one that promotes weight loss. not much luck. i’m scared. i don’t want to gain anymore. so i’m going to start slow like drinking a lot more water and portion control. little things that will hopefully combat any nasty side effects later. i’m trying to stay positive (despite the misery in my head right now). who knows, maybe this time it will work. maybe i’ll lose some weight. so now that you’ve met me i’m sure you’re head hurts from all the rambling. sorry about that. that’s the anxiety. i guess i’m done for now. so this is the start. hopefully future entries will be more uplifting and happy. that would be nice. happy.